Humor

3 of the Least Important Announcements on Your Instagram Feed

Deborah D’Anastasio Volz, Contributor

Photo by @mrsmeyer1989: excited selfie, holding up a box

Ok, so I don’t normally open up on social media but I am just so damn excited I cannot contain myself! Big changes are happening in my life and I feel so ready for this new journey. As some of you may know (especially my soul-sisters from yoga teacher training!), I have had a touch of wanderlust my whole life. When I was little, I used to close my eyes and spin a globe around and around, eventually stopping the globe with my finger. Wherever my finger landed, I dreamed that one day I would move to this exotic land. Australia, the Philippines, Delaware—I wanted to see it all. Over the years, I’ve had my share of vacations and the adventures that go along with them. Just last year, @magpiegirl and I went craaazzyyy at the flea market in the parking lot of our all-inclusive in Mexico. Anyway, I love going on vacations and immersing myself in new cultures, but I am always so sad when the vacation has to end! Can a girl get an “Amen”?! That is why I am ECSTATIC to announce that Tony and I (and obviously Rocky and Bullwinkle, our two beautiful #RESCUE dogs) are moving on to our next adventure. This week we are officially saying goodbye to 124 Bellview Lane. It will be a bittersweet move as we have had so many great memories, but we are so so excited for what is to come.

P.S. Moving party on Saturday! Come help us embark on our journey from 124 to 179 Bellview Lane! #southbellview #wanderlust

Photo by @nikkidee273: screaming-face selfie, holding up an envelope

Eeek! It’s finally here!! Jack and I have had sooo many sleepless nights these past few weeks anxiously waiting, but the letter that is going to change our entire lives has finally arrived. When the doctor told us that Jack would never be able to father a child, I was devastated. (He’s going to get mad if he sees this, but I told him that society needs to talk about it in order to #breakthestigma!) To be honest, I was really devastated for a few weeks that, thanks to Jack, I would never be a mother. But after some serious soul-searching, I feel like the universe guided us to the best solution…adoption! At first, the adoption process seemed so daunting, I didn’t think we’d ever figure it out. But, with help from our amazing homie Jesus Christ, we are now the proud parents of a beautiful 3-year old bundle of joy from Romania named Angelica!! The adoption website describes her as “full of life and waiting to be loved.” And loved she will be! We are so excited to welcome Angelica into our lives and onto our refrigerator. The moment I opened the envelope and saw the photo of her standing on a dirt road wearing a brass bell around her neck, my heart burst with emotions.  With our support of $10 a month, she will have acres of organic alfalfa fields to graze in and will be spared from the village’s yearly goat-meat festival. Jack and I are so humbled by this opportunity to become Angelica’s parents, and we cannot wait to see what the future holds for our new family! #thisiswhatadoptionlookslike #adoptdontshop #modernfamily

Photo by @rickeybenson99: pensive selfie, looking away from the camera

When I was younger, I never thought anything bad would happen to my body. I thought maybe I’d break my arm or be in crutches at some point, but nothing serious – nothing permanent. It’s funny to think how invincible you feel when you’re young. Now, I know different. I’m a very private person so I don’t talk about it much, but I’ve been having some health problems recently. At first I tried to ignore it, but at a certain point I couldn’t anymore. I did some heavy research, and after hours of reading forums and WebMD articles, I now know I suffer from a life-altering condition: mild lactose intolerance. I couldn’t believe my diagnosis at first—I used to be able to wash down a plate of fettucine Alfredo with a glass of whole milk without batting an eye! Now I am lucky if I can get the fettucine down without a stomach cramp.

As I was researching, though, I learned that lactose really isn’t good for any humans. Did you know that we are the only mammals who drink other animals’ milk?! I read about this doctor who cures people of cancer, male pattern baldness, and more all through the power of a vegan diet. The fact is that none of us should be eating this poisonous lactose! My condition has a been a huge eye-opener for me, and I would be happy to share my knowledge with anyone who is interested. I have a long road ahead of me, but I know that one day I will be able to see my disease as a blessing. Namaste.

Deborah D’Anastasio Volz is an ESL teacher, writer, and broke travel enthusiast living in New Jersey. Her writing has appeared in ANGLES literary magazine and the Press of Atlantic City.

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