Marcia Baker, Contributor

Stoneham, MA – What started as a pleasant late-spring jaunt to a popular local dog park turned awkward when a Sheltie named Mary Puppins ran into a Great Dane acquaintance who greeted her enthusiastically by name. “I couldn’t for the life of me remember this dog’s name or where on earth we’d met before. I was so embarrassed. In order to avoid humiliation, I just kept smelling her butt while I tried to remember.” She continued, “As my nose nuzzled against her anal glands, I racked my brain trying to tease her name from my memory.  Glenda? Wendy? Wanda? Something with a ‘W’…?  Mercifully, it started to rain and thunder and everyone got off the field quickly, so I was saved from embarrassing myself.”

On the car ride home, Mary Puppins lamented, “I hate when that happens. Wait…Shit, now I remember! Her name is ‘Lady Woofington’ and we met at that sales conference last month. I’m such a stupid bitch.”

At press time, Flight D. Eisenhower, the family parakeet, was still trying to convince Mary Puppins she was being too hard on herself.