Scott Pruitt Pulls Over, Citing Unrelenting Attacks From Pedestrian Stuck In Windshield

Scott Pruitt finally pulls over.

By Marcia Baker, Contributor

Washington – Former Environmental Protection Agency Administer Scott Pruitt pulled over his car today, citing “unrelenting attacks” from the pedestrian stuck in his windshield.

Mr. Pruitt had been driving around for hours  looking for a new condo. Several Democrats had called for him to pull over amid allegations of having hit a pedestrian with his car and continuing to drive with a smashed windshield with a human person stuck in it.

President Trump issued a supportive tweet, saying “Scott Pruitt has done an outstanding job driving, despite an obstructed view and the terrible attack from John Lawson, a failing pedestrian with almost NO Twitter followers. SAD. I accept Scott’s decision to pull the car over to the side of the road! #failingNYtimes!”

The pedestrian, John Lawson, 42, had been on his way to his job when he was was struck by Mr. Pruitt’s vehicle. When reached for comment at George Washington University hospital, Mr. Lawson told the press “I always walk to work in the morning to try to reduce my impact on the environment. I felt the sudden impact, was thrown onto the hood of the car and smashed partially through the windshield of the car. I couldn’t believe it when he just kept driving. I started screaming at the driver for help, but he just kept driving and making lunch reservations. Then I passed out for a while. When I regained consciousness, I realized he was just going to keep driving and driving so with my remaining strength I started batting and punching at Mr. Pruitt, trying to get this attention. That went on for hours before he finally pulled over. He seemed pretty annoyed, like I’d really upset him.”

In a statement Mr. Pruitt wrote that the unrelenting attack had really taken a sizable toll on him and his family, who’d also been in the car.