Local News

Co-Workers Shun Normie Loser For Discussing Family Around Water Cooler

Sarah Lane, Contributor

PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS – Refusing to interact with someone so normal it’s actually embarrassing, Owen Brangan’s co-workers uniformly chose last Tuesday to shun the 29-year-old copywriter for cheerily discussing his family life around their office’s water cooler.

“It’s like he deliberately picks the most mundane topics to make sure you’re never interested,” said Kevin Platt, a programmer who noted Brangan’s tendency to emphasize how quickly his son is reaching developmental milestones and his wife’s careful management of the household.

“We get it, guy!  You’re trapped in a sepia-toned nightmare where the only things you care about outside of work are your family’s health and happiness.  Dude’s a total snoozefest.  He’s good at writing copy, but he’d make an even better white noise machine.”

At press time, Brangan was seen telling an account manager that his daughter placed second in the county’s spelling bee while said co-worker yawned and motioned to his watch.