Study Shows Most Westerosi Can’t Find Winterfell on a Map
A group of Westerosi peasants bury their hope
1,107 adult Westerosi inhabitants were asked to locate Winterfell on this map. Each blue dot shows where a respondent placed Winterfell.
Only 34% of respondents were able to locate Winterfell accurately.
By Abagal Mooton, King’s Landing Tribune
An experiment led from Fall to Winter 300 AL, by Orwen Towfinger ofThe Citadel in Old Town, shows that of the 1,107 inhabitants of Westeros who were surveyed, only 34% of respondents could correctly identify Winterfell on a map.
“It really frightens me that so few people were able to correctly identify such an important location on a map. I have my go-bag stocked and ready and I have a mind to move up north of the wall”, said Olsha Frymme, right before a pack of dire wolves tore her apart.
“I’m fairly well-traveled”, commented Gorren of Green Bog, “but your average villager never gets further than the Blue Fork in Ramford, so it’s not surprising to me that a lot of folk wouldn’t know”. Gorren was immediately immolated by a loose dragon.
Those able to correctly identify Winterfell tended to view diplomatic and nonmilitary strategies more favorably than those who could not. These strategies included imposing tariffs, conducting magic attacks against military targets, and poisoning nobility.
They also viewed direct military engagement – in particular, zombie armies and dragon-led battalions – much less favorably than those who failed to locate Winterfell.
“The results of the survey are telling —”, began Towfinger, who was then consumed by a burst of green wildfire.
Abagal Mooton was born and raised in Mistwood, Westeros, before relocating to King’s Landing to pursue a career in journalism. She was recently slaughtered by a rival clan at a colleague’s wedding reception while enjoying a snack at the chocolate fountain.