Matt Damon Gains 2×10³⁶ Kilograms for Film Role As Nebula

Matt Damon in a dramatic scene from his upcoming film

By Marcia Baker, Contributor

Los Angeles, CA – Oscar-winning actor Matt Damon gained a whopping 2×1036 Kilograms —1,000,000 solar masses — for his appearance in the upcoming science fiction film, “Captain Neutrino: Galaxia”. According to the film’s director, Robert Rodriguez, Damon will appear in a cameo as a nebula. “I explained we only needed a vocal performance from him,” says Rodriquez, “and that we could do the visuals with GGI, but he insisted on playing the part in full.”

Damon will appear on screen for a total of five minutes, in a brief but pivotal role as a hundreds-of-light-years-wide, wise-cracking, sentient nebula who gives the film’s heroes key advice in their quest to explore the galaxy and fight the film’s villain, the evil Yada Yada Yada.

Damon has only three months to lose the weight for his next staring role as a washed up boxer short. That film, not even in production, is already generating Oscar buzz.