Halloween Costumes That Are Much Less Scary Than The Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearings
Margaret Dodge, Contributor
The news has terrified us all year. Do we really still need to celebrate Halloween? If you’re not too shellshocked to leave your home, here’s a closetful of costume ideas inspired by one of this year’s scariest events.
Slutty Lindsey Graham
Single, white, and ready to fright.
The perfect solution for bros who don’t want to bother getting a costume together.
The Terrapin of Terror.
For superhero fans: Zip around comfortably all night in a crochet collar, black cape, and sneakers.
If you’re a hermit and you don’t want to attend the party, send your friends to deliver a signed deposition instead.
Wear an expensive suit or a racing uniform and spend the evening scanning for cameras.
Cirrhotic Liver of Justice
For horror aficionados. The black robe provides a dramatic backdrop for the mottled, misshapen organ.
Undead Equal Rights Amendment
You thought it went away for good on June 30, 1982, didn’t you? Literally the day before that crazy night when everyone went to Timmy’s for ‘skis? Well, it’s back and madder than ever!
All you need is a black dress, a bible, and a pained expression. Easy to throw together at the last minute.
Yes, it does look kind of like a pogo stick made out of a pipe cleaner. Terrifying!
Grim Reaper of Democracy
An updated classic.
A Maine lobster dining on Sen. Susan Collins
Optional: Give a 45-minute pre-meal speech about how you don’t expect Collins to be tasty, but you’ll devour her anyway.
Margaret Dodge is a Brooklyn-based standup comedian, writer, and feral cat trapper. margaretdodge.com