Halloween Costumes That Are Much Less Scary Than The Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearings

Margaret Dodge, Contributor

The news has terrified us all year. Do we really still need to celebrate Halloween? If you’re not too shellshocked to leave your home, here’s a closetful of costume ideas inspired by one of this year’s scariest events.

Slutty Lindsey Graham

Single, white, and ready to fright.


The perfect solution for bros who don’t want to bother getting a costume together.

 Mitch McConnell

The Terrapin of Terror.

Notorious R.B.G.
For superhero fans: Zip around comfortably all night in a crochet collar, black cape, and sneakers.

Mark Judge

If you’re a hermit and you don’t want to attend the party, send your friends to deliver a signed deposition instead.

Michael Avenatti

Wear an expensive suit or a racing uniform and spend the evening scanning for cameras.

 Cirrhotic Liver of Justice

For horror aficionados. The black robe provides a dramatic backdrop for the mottled, misshapen organ.

Undead Equal Rights Amendment

You thought it went away for good on June 30, 1982, didn’t you? Literally the day before that crazy night when everyone went to Timmy’s for ‘skis? Well, it’s back and madder than ever!

Ashley Kavanaugh

All you need is a black dress, a bible, and a pained expression. Easy to throw together at the last minute.

Homemade IUD

Yes, it does look kind of like a pogo stick made out of a pipe cleaner. Terrifying!

Grim Reaper of Democracy

An updated classic.

A Maine lobster dining on Sen. Susan Collins

Optional: Give a 45-minute pre-meal speech about how you don’t expect Collins to be tasty, but you’ll devour her anyway.

Margaret Dodge is a Brooklyn-based standup comedian, writer, and feral cat trapper.